Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Not funny.

I don't like being angry at you. But I do get frustrated with you an awful lot. Like tonight, when you asked me how my day was and then immediately said, "Oh wait, I don't care." I know you were joking--and maybe some days I can take it better than others--but in all honesty, that was mean. And it hurt. Because I feel like if you really cared, you wouldn't joke around like that. It's really not that funny to me.

I feel like you do that a lot--making jokes that, if you were to really mean them, would make me cry and dump you on the spot. Because I would, if you weren't joking around. When my phone cut out tonight, and you called me back and asked, "Did you just hang up on me?" I could hear the fear/wariness in your voice. I had you scared--scared that you would lose me. It was an amazing feeling of power. And it took everything within me not to tell you yes, I did that on purpose, because I knew then that you would know I wasn't kidding around. I told you I wouldn't hang up on you, and I won't, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to sometimes. It also doesn't mean that I think you're funny all the time.

I'm tired of you being mean to me like that. I deserve to be treated better than that; at least, that's what you've told me before. I used to not feel that way, but now I do. I know that this relationship has changed me, and I've changed for you, but now I want you to change for me. I need you to change for me.

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Written by an English major who really should expand her vocabulary.