Today has been both better and worse. Well, maybe not worse, but more up-and-down than anything else. I've only cried hard once, which I consider pretty good--especially compared to last night. I've had an ongoing Facebook message with my boyfriend's best friend and fired off a short message to him last night after it all went down to let him know that it was a rough night for both my boyfriend and me. (I should probably assign some nicknames to them both, but I can't think of any. Maybe "the Tall One" [boyfriend] and "the Taller One" [friend]?)
So anyway, the Taller One and I have been messaging back and forth all day about this, and he's provided some really good advice and insight into the whole situation, because he's been there before with his girlfriend. (It might be more logical for me to talk to her, but I don't really want to. I feel like I know him better, and I'm more comfortable talking to him, for some reason. Maybe because I've known him longer than her.)
In my most recent reply to the Taller One, I wrote this:
I have sermon notes from [our pastor]'s first sermon of this year pinned to my bulletin board next to my computer; he was talking about the story of the lame man at the healing pool whom Jesus told to get up and walk--even though Jesus didn't offer any support or help. There's one point that's been haunting my thoughts for months: "Unless the man is willing to take action, he will never experience healing." This has been a sort of mantra for me this semester; I've been trying to turn my life around and become an all-around better person. However, I've been trying to do this on my own the majority of the time and yesterday one of my friends posted a note on Facebook, of all places, that reminded me that there's absolutely no way to change anything on my own--not only do I need God's help, I need the help of other people, too. Looking back on it now, I think that maybe God has been preparing me in a way to be sympathetic toward what [the Tall One]'s going through, and if he has been, then maybe this is the culmination of that preparation and it's time for me to put what I've learned into practice. I don't expect the next few days or weeks to be very easy, but I hope they'll be worth it.
I think if I can just keep this in mind, I'll be able to get through this and move on to something better, which is ultimately what the Tall One (boyfriend) and I both need. I feel like this might be our first real adult challenge in life, and it's kind of scary to have to grow up because of this.